Blasphemer!

Well, the blasphemy law has gone through the Irish ’system’. Not allowed pull God’s pisser now, for fear of a hefty fine, apparently. I think my standup is going to suddenly take a religious slant, ‘cos if there’s one thing a comedian hates, it’s the ‘you can’t talk about that…’ thing. Comedians and alcoholics.

What archaic laws like this do is give the opportunity for troublemakers and loudmouths to kick up a fuss if their ‘religious beliefs’ are offended. Well, I asked God this morning what he thinks I should do, and you know what? He’s a VERY quiet individual (or three individuals – sort that one out among yourselves) so I’ll just have to go on instinct (which, incidentally, is MY god and woe betide anyone who disses my god!).

The very obvious fact people seem to miss in relation to ‘blasphemy’ is that every religious belief, by definition, ‘blasphemes’ against every other religion, so how far will said troublemakers take it before we all gotta say “Ah, hang on, this is madness” and starting cleaning up the mess left by millennia of the beliefs of long dead people.

Surely religious / spiritual belief is a PERSONAL thing, not communal. Are you following your own beliefs, or someone elses? How can a person even believe other peoples beliefs when there’s no solid ground to start from? I don’t get that.

Religion needs to be discussed openly, ALWAYS (or at least til it realises it’s place in a modern world) and as a comedian, AND cartoonist, interested in the truth of things, like so many others of my ilk, it WILL get dissected, discussed AND disparaged on a regular basis. It’s not gonna change ‘cos of any jumped little zealots who have no grasp on what life is really about. You think these people are happy with their beliefs? Then why are they so shouty and angry? God’s big enough to take it.

Spaceships! Exploding spaceships!

Anyone who knows me, knows I love me spaceships. Found this celebration of all vessels stellar, on YouTube. If you’re of a certain mentality, enjoy the next few minutes:

Coming Soon: Mein Oompf!

This is a new project I’ve been working on (or still am), the first episode of which will be up by the end of the month. It’s basically gonna be a regular (every 2 weeks) ten minute show, with a mixture of my standup, sketches, animation, rants, and probably a sci-fi reference or two, for my fellow nerds, which will go up on the good ol’ YouTube. It’s generally the ramblings of a bitter ex-drunk, struggling comedian/cartoonist, trying to function in the anachronism that is modern day Ireland, and the fuckwits you find yourself having to deal with from day to day. This is just the opening credits so far:

Haven’t got the means yet to record my own music, so have had fun scouring my collection for some funky obscure shit. My main worry with this show would be if YouTube muted any of the episodes because of copyright issues with any of the pieces of music I use, but I’ll learn as I go. The whole project will be a constant work in progress, and my own way of combining the various media I use into one handy-neato package!

Don’t fret, you won’t miss the first episode, ‘cos I’ll be pluggin’ the shit out of it when it happens.

A sunny May in Dublin…

… and the vultures are circling.

4 gigs in one day

Here’s a little film I made, just before Xmas. A busy day.

Five years as a stand up comedian…

Or five years since I became ‘unemployable’. Half empty / half full…

Here’s a little celebratory movie I made, in 24 hours!

Better The Angel You Know

Here’s a short movie made by the good people of DIT, with yours truly as one of the leads…

Made this about a year ago, before the sad loss of my beard…

Endurance ‘artist’, me hole…

So you want to be a comedian…

This may sound like I’m up my own ‘thoin’, but bear with me. Thought I’d (finally) throw in my two cent(s) on what are the Dos and Don’ts of getting into performing comedy. Here’s the ten biggies!

1. THE most important one, and I know it’s obvious, but only do your OWN material (or something someone has written for you). Do NOT do other comedians’ material. Obvious to most of us, but you’d be surprised how many people not only use established comedians’ material, but have NO IDEA that that’s not acceptable. There is no room for ‘cover bands’ in comedy. I have actually heard open spots say they’re trying to work in some of their OWN material into their sets. WTF?

2. Time-keeping. NEVER do more than told to by the MC / Promotor. If you’re told 7 minutes, do 7 minutes. 6 and a half is even better. Its not about how funny you might be. MCs have a schedule to keep and any over-running usually cuts into the last comic’s time. There’s nothing worse than a brash open spot who thinks he’s hilarious (he may even be) so goes on to do 12. You probably won’t get asked back again. Also (and this is true for comedians of every level) if you get a HUGE laugh (like with applause etc) a minute from the end, go out on that! It’s very hard to top a major laugh with one minute to go!

3. DON’T try for gigs you’re not skilled enough to do yet (such as, for example, the Comedy Store). You’ll only make it harder to get back in if you’re not good enough yet.Stick with pub clubs that actively encourage open spots. If you’re serious about doing comedy, you’ll get a chance one day, when you’re ready. For instance, if you’re still doing gigs thinking ‘I hope to God there’s no hecklers tonight’, you’re not ready to do big venues / corporate entertainment, etc.

4. Always carry a notebook. You never know when something funny might occur to you (usually happens to me on the bus to a gig, whilst gazing out the window).

5. Dont try to do a new set every gig. Get a good backbone to your set, and add or take from it over time. Chances are no punters will see you more than twice in the first year or two anyway (apart from regulars, but there’s not many of them).

6. Start on a strong joke (the quicker to the punchline, the better) and end on a strong joke. There’s nothing worse than a new comedian spending 5 minutes to get to the first punchline (however good it may be). The audience will get bored quickly unless they have a couple of immediate laughs to kick off! Put your looser material in the middle.

7. What to write about: I’m sure we all have philosophical or political stuff we want to talk about, but again, you have to wait til you have the confidence to make it funny. If you look 12, or are nervous, the audience are not gonna buy your ‘hardened look at life’, because you don’t look like you ‘walk the walk’. Stick to everyday, easily identifiable observation about general life, and stay the hell away from ‘paedo’ jokes unless you’re already a known comedian (or are an unusually talented newbie, but that’s rare). You have to know how to get an audience to like you, or how to ‘disarm’ any hostilities, before trying risque stuff. It’s not about getting your point across on subjects, it’s about making people laugh. Promotors dont want someone who’s ‘clever’. They want someone who makes a room laugh almost constantly. There are actually open spots who send dvd recordings of themselves DYING on stage for 15 minutes straight, because they think “well this audience didnt get me, but the promotor watching this will”. He won’t watch more than 30 seconds without a laugh in it.

8. Don’t bring any assholes to your gigs. By assholes, I mean people who will not have the decency to stay quiet for the other comedians sets. This will reflect badly on you, and make it harder to get a return slot. Make sure any friends know the etiquette of the particular club you’re playing. Also, don’t be an asshole audient yourself.

9. If a performance you did six months ago looks squirmingly awful in retrospect, you’re probably doing things right (especially if you can acknowledge it’s not as good as you thought at the time). It means you’re getting better. As good as any of us think we are, there’s ALWAYS room for improvement. I’m doing it 5 years, and I squirm at stuff I did 6 months ago. Same with artwork I do. The better you get, the worse your early stuff will look.

10. I’m not one for taking (or giving) advice (well… apart from this post) but I’d suggest only take advice from those who are doing well. It’s as true in comedy as it is in AA meetings…lol… Some people think they know what they’re talking about, but if they’re struggling themselves, they can’t know that much, can they? I may not even know what I’m talking about, for all I know. This list is basically just me commenting on some very obvious things I’ve seen over the last 5 years. I’m not claiming to be an expert, but I’ve some experience. I have no idea what I’M doing most of the time, just doing what feels natural. And by those ‘doing well’, I mean those who are well received by audience, promotors and other comedians alike. Not those who are ‘in with the right people’ for largely business purposes.

Now go listen to The Who!

Edinburgh here I come!

Well, it’s been a long while since I blogged. Lots going on at the mo, but mainly I’m about to lose my Edinburgh festival ‘virginity’, albeit if only for a week! Going over on the 14th, staying with friends, and got gigs every night! W00t, as they say in the internet. Much w00tage, indeed! Apart from that, just busy with things. Got a couple of projects I don’t want to mention til things are signed and palms are spat on, but it’s all very exciting! So for now I’ll leave you with my tribute to every Star Wars fan’s favourite CGI character of all time ever! Dates for my Edinburgh shows are listed below. Do drop in if you’re about!

Robbie Bonham – Edinburgh Fringe Festival 2008

Thurs, August 14th – Best of New Irish free fringe – Voodoo Bar, Edinburgh – Some time ‘twixt 9.30 and 11.30 pm(PBH Free Fringe)

Fri,August 15th – Best of New Irish free fringe – Voodoo Bar, Edinburgh Some time ‘twixt 9.30 and 11.30 pm(PBH Free Fringe)

Sat, August 16th – Best of New Irish free fringe – Voodoo Bar, Edinburgh Some time ‘twixt 9.30 and 11.30 pm(PBH Free Fringe)

Sun August 17th – Best of New Irish free fringe – Voodoo Bar, Edinburgh Some time ‘twixt 9.30 and 11.30 pm(PBH Free Fringe)

Mon August 18th – Best of New Irish free fringe – Voodoo Bar, Edinburgh Some time ‘twixt 9.30 and 11.30 pm(PBH Free Fringe)

Tues 19th Aug:Best of Irish – The Stand, Edinburgh – 6pm

Tues 19th Aug: My One Hour show “Just Dropped In” – Beehive 21.20 – 22.20 (PBH Free Fringe)

Wed Aug 20th: Best of Irish – The Stand, Edinburgh – 6pm

Wed Aug 20th: My One Hour show “Just Dropped In” -Nicol Edwards Music Lounge 19.15 – 20.15 (PBH Free Fringe)