Greetings, the Ether. As I write this, I’m about 8 hours away from the road to recovery. Sounds cheesy, I know. But the fact is that tomorrow morning I head into rehab, for the next 3 months, away from all electronic communication. It’s my first time ever in residential care for alcoholism, though I’ve had a long past regarding recovery, having previously had 8 years of sobriety, I found myself, 6 years ago, slipping back into the alcoholic lifestyle. There were several ‘triggers’ but I need not get into that now. Suffice to say the last 6 years have gotten very messy, particularly in the last 3 or 4 months, fallings out with family and friends, bridge burning with colleagues, police involvement, homelessness and turning into someone horrible. I have not been at my best. Since April I’ve been through (and put others through) a lot of shit. Bouncing from couch to couch, with the odd night of sleeping rough (my own drunken choices at the time).
The dreams were the worst, when sleep DID come. Dreaming your family have taken you back in / made peace with you (I said something horrible to a family member I wish I could take back), or dreaming of finding money in places you’d forgotten, because you’re now obsessed with your lack of money. Even dreams of casually talking to an ex who was once a best friend, then waking up to find it wasn’t real, THOSE are the dreams that really punch you in the stomach. I’ve even had fallings out with people during bouts of sobriety too, all the stresses and strain of having to depend on others for a roof, and building tension. An awful existence.
I look forward to rehab. It seems like a strict enough program, partly religious based. Though I am not in anyway religious I can get behind this (note to self: mentally replace any mentions of ‘our Lord Jesus’ with ‘Samurai Jack’) if it aids recovery. There’ll be other stuff like meditation, and actually doing some WORK about the place, as well as counselling. All in all, a good package. I’ve managed to stay sober since I first contacted this particular rehab centre, over 2 weeks ago, so I’m hoping this is the end of my drinking (or any other form of mind-altering). Anyway, suffice to say, I will be off the grid for the next 12 weeks, so apologies to anyone trying to contact me over this period. Hopefully I shall come back a better man (or even just a man), and start getting back on top of my life. I wish everyone the best, and talk to you all (hopefully) one day soon.