Call Me S.A.M. (Sober Angry Man)

“I’m here to look up places on Daft, and kick ass. And I’m all out of places.”

Greetings, Spidey-fans. Homeless Bob here. Or Bobless for short. Another day, another blog. All I can really do at the moment is write. I’m getting a LITTLE drawing done in my notepad when I can find somewhere to do it, and some day when I’m able, I’ll scan ’em and get ’em up. My only other belongings right now are my guitar and a book of songs I need to learn, but as yet I’ve nowhere to do that either, so my only outlet right now is this internet cafe and blogsite. I DO need to write what’s in my head, however destructive. There ARE also things I can’t write about, as they might involve others, or involve health issues I’d rather keep to myself, but they are additional worries that prey on my mind nonetheless.

Contemplating yesterday’s blog, I realise how angry it sounded, and how much of an asshole I’m coming across as right now. And I’m not saying I’m right about everything. I’m very wrong a lot of the time. Just that my outlook is skewed constantly. Personally, I think I’m crazy. I’m intelligent, and talented to a degree, but fucking crazy. I dunno if it’s chemical or environmental, but them’s the facts. Probably why I attract crazy.

I spent much of yesterday walking around with the same anger and upset in my head that I usually only experience when I’ve had to much to drink. But part of me feels I NEED to get this angry. In fact, I needed to for a very long time. I’m a 48 year old man still wearing the head of his 20 year old self. As I type this, they’re doing drilling work next door, and that’s not helping either.

Something that has never sat right with me, for instance, is our almost constant use of texts / social media / the internet to communicate to each other. It seems a very passive aggressive way of interaction. Apologies by text, recriminations by text, big relationship questions by text, it’s all very… one sided? I dunno how to describe it. The internet was great when it was just websites, that had stuff, that we could use or enjoy, but now social media has afforded us all our own website, effectively, and we have each become that website. Avatars of our real selves. When you get into a relationship online, for instance, you’re not getting involved with someone. It’s who you THINK you are, getting involved with who they think THEY are. All I’m saying is, our current state of social interaction feels wrong. We’re lucky if 5% of it is even physical these days. And I’m not just talking about relationships of a romantic nature. It’s the same for friendships, work relationships, everything. It all just feels de-personalised. And lonely. Teenagers can’t even have mini-breakdowns the way we used to, without it going public. Counselors of the future will have their work cut out for them. Anyway… I digress.

This morning I sat in a cafe on Meath St that does free breakfasts for the homeless, while a Traveler woman sat there losing her mind at everyone around her, about the 6 kids she’s buried. A woman in a desperate place. Some smiled at each other, some told her to shut the fuck up, someone tried to speak with her, but eventually they had to get her to leave and I can’t help wonder how the rest of HER day is going to go. There’s always someone in a worse off place, I’m always aware of that. Doesn’t make things easier though. Ho hum :/

Rob

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About R

Doctor Who fan
This entry was posted in Alcoholism, Biography, Dublin, Homelessness, Ireland, Mental health, Social networking and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

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